Just call me The Grinch

There where a couple of incidents that happened this week, and I cant get them out of my head. I keep wondering who is the real victim inside the circumstance. Me or them?

Here is the first scenario: A few days ago, my boyfriend and I were at Aldi's grocery store on Lake Avenue. (For those of you not from the Rochester area, lets just say that you wont be finding any country clubs in this part of town.) While loading up the car we were approached by a fella in his mid to late thirties in ripped up jeans and an all around frumpy look to him. He told us that he had run out of gas and his kids were in the car. (both were nowhere no be seen) and could we please spare a dollar or two. My boyfriend, the kind person that he is, not only gave him a dollar, but also the quarter that he got from taking the cart back to the corral. As we drove away, I asked Craig why he gave the money to the stranger. He said because it was Christmas. I told him that the guy was probably going to go spend the money on crack, but it didn't matter to Craig, it was all about giving.

Brilliant creativity. 

Personally, I take more of a "no tolerance" approach to begging. In the neighborhood where I live, I come across it all of the time. I have no problem saying no to the person with the sign at the red light because odds are, they are going to spend it on something unsavory. If he/she really needed help, there are many many programs and places to go to get the help/food/warm bed that they need. 

Now, I don't want you to think that my hardness towards charity comes from nowhere. I have tried to help many a drug addict get better.  I've had many close friends and loved ones who had lost their way, and when I tried to help, I was lied to and stolen from. What I have learned over the years is that the only person that can help a drug addict is themselves, and I refuse to be a victim of their problems any longer. That goes for loved ones and strangers alike. I also find the act of begging a bit offensive itself.  I feel like there is a difference between taking a handout that has been offered and begging with a motive to guilt those into giving who may otherwise might not be in a position to give themselves. 

at least he is honest

Now, I guess that is assuming that the man was bullshitting us. And that is where my dilemma comes in.  If my assumptions were wrong, then I would feel bad, horrible in fact. And if my assumptions were right, I'd be mad that I was preyed upon, so either way I get no piece of mind. 

The second scenario just happened yesterday. I went to Rite Aid on the corner of East Ridge Road and Hudson. (again, not the best of neighborhoods) I walked in while on the phone with Craig. As I hung up, I noticed a woman standing a few feet away, staring at me. She said that she was waiting for me to hang up so she could ask me a question. She was wondering if I could spare some money so she could get some orange juice and feminine pads. According to her, she was a few dollars short. I just told her that I had no cash, I was paying with a credit card, sorry. So she walked away. 

I just felt like this woman saw a clean cut, young chick come in while talking on a cell phone, she must have money. I couldn't help but think that she thought I was an easy target, especially this time of the year. 

Am I the totally crazy and should just lighten up? Should I even care what the money is being spent on and just give and be on my way? Am I truly the Grinch who left a poor man's children freezing in a car and a woman malnourished and hemorrhaging in the street? I honestly don't know and probably never will...

Maybe love will keep her alive

Last Sunday, my 11 year old pit bull Lola was acting strange after her walk. After lying in her cage alone and not even taking lunch meat that I dangled in front of her face, I knew for sure that something was majorly wrong. That night I couldn't sleep. I stayed up and watched over her all night. I even crawled into her living room sleep spot and cuddled with her for hours.

Lola is 2008

The next morning I called the vet as soon as they opened. Craig and I  drove her down there a moment later.   They took Lola in for tests right away, and after a long wait, the vet finally came back with x-ray results.  Not good news. Lola has an extremely large lump in her abdomen. From the x-rays, he couldn't tell us what it was or what it was attached to, so they recommended going to the veterinary specialists in Henrietta,NY.  Through blurry, stinging eyes, we drover her across town to the specialists office where we had to leave her all day until they could squeeze her in for an ultrasound. Four grueling hours later, they had us come back in for a consult and to tell us some more bad news. It's a tumor, attached to the worst possible place, her adrenal gland. Where it is pressing down on her bladder and colon and excreting a fluid that might be blood. Also, in a matter of 2 days, her red blood cell count dropped 10%. (I had the vet do blood work a few days before this incident because out of nowhere Lola was making "accidents" all over the house...now I know why) According to the surgeon, there would be a 8% mortality rate if we should decide to take out the tumor, which sounds great until you hear what the bill would be...$10,000. yeah, that's right 10 GRAND.

Beautiful hike with my girls

I love my dog very much, I would consider her nothing less than part of the family. I have had her since I first became an adult. She's been with me through thick and thin. Always by my side and forever happy to see me. I watched her be born, she is my soul dog, I couldn't just give up on her. especially because of money, but lord knows, I don't have 10 large laying around the house. So that's when I really lost it.

this is how I fall asleep every night

I thought that was the end, until the vet suggested that we go to Cornell University to have the surgery done because it would cost less. I asked her to call and get a quote. They came back with a $3-$5,000 estimate, I said book the appointment.

So we drove to Cornell, got there around 9pm. Dropped off Lola and drove another 45 min to our friend's house in Binghamton to spend the night.

another summer hike in Durand Park 

In the morning, I was full of hope, until I got a call from Cornell at 10am. They told me that the surgery is much more complex than first thought. There were a lot of complications to take into consideration and with a dog of her age and a tumor of that size, being optimistic there was a 45% chance she would make it through surgery, and even less of a chance she would make it the first 24 hours after surgery. She also told me that the last 2 dogs that had this surgery had passed away within 24 hours of the surgery. There was NO WAY I wanted to take the chance of Lola dying in some cold room surrounded by unfamiliar people in a strange place. She was coming home with me.

Lola and her favorite dolly

So with all hope lost, we drove back to Cornell to take Lola home. I was beyond pissed that none of the vets I spoke with in the last 24 hours were even remotely honest with me. (and it took over $1200 just to get to this point) I felt as though I had lost a whole day of being with my dog because they all gave me hope that surgery was the answer. Her first day home, she wasn't eating or drinking at all. We invited Craig's parents over to say their goodbyes. I cancelled the arts and craft show I had for Friday and Saturday and I loved and cuddled with her all night long. And in the morning....

She had somehow reverted to the dog she was two weeks ago! Eating, drinking, alert and even asking to go for walks! It seriously has been a miracle that she is able to have some sort of a quality of life. We took it really easy with her the few days after coming home from Cornell but yesterday we took her on a short walk and she was just fine. Not even one accident in the house. Weird, but welcome. I know in the back of my mind what the facts are, but until she is showing signs of discomfort I'm going to treat her as I always did. She deserves the best out of life that I can give her because for over a decade she has been the best part of my life.